Poem & Drawing: She Reaches Back to Rainy Moods

She Reaches BackShe

Reaches

Back

To scratch

And scrape up

Rainy moods.

Do they make her feel special?

Do they make her feel real?

Her normal?

The days can be pleasant, and she looks for conflict.

The person can be kind, and she looks for deceit.

The sky is blue and sunny, but she looks for rain in the forecast.

There are storm clouds on her horizon.

She builds traps.

Digs pits.

She doesn’t act like she knows it,

but she would forget to water a plants to complain that they died.

She sews the seeds of discontent

and reaps the drama of conflict

and cries

her eyes out of her head

and puts them as garnish in her evening cocktails.

……………….

I just started with a few sketched lines and this elongated, dreary figure took shape.  It was fairly androgynous.  Almost a walking depression.  The way the one arm reaches behind it while still moving forward.  The way the figure has not face, particularly eyes is unconsciousness.  The rain is at its back, which is in some way should be good.  But still the hand reaches back, a symbol of will.

So in all it suggested this depression not just as a condition, but one with willful acts to reach back for the worst.   In the poem, I explore the idea further, that the condition not only has willful components, but that the condition can maintain it’s state of depression and negativity, aggravation.

The monster wants to maintain the conditions that created it.

And that to me sounds like a good story theme – depression as a monster that wants to maintain the condition that created it – depression as a state of possession maybe – until it as a thing is cast out.  But would it then, like so many people, make itself look pitiful and weak and beg to be cared for and accommodated, all the while plotting so it could get strong again and take over once more.

 

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